BY and by, when we got up, we turned over the truck
the gang had stole off of the wreck, and found boots, and
blankets, and clothes, and all sorts of other things, and
a lot of books, and a spyglass, and three boxes of
seegars. We hadn't ever been this rich before in neither
of our lives. The seegars was prime. We laid off all the
afternoon in the woods talking, and me reading the books,
and having a general good time. I told Jim all about what
happened inside the wreck and at the ferryboat, and I
said these kinds of things was adventures; but he said he
didn't want no more adventures. He said that when I went
in the texas and he crawled back to get on the raft and
found her gone he nearly died, because he judged it was
all up with HIM anyway it could be fixed; for if he
didn't get saved he would get drownded; and if he did get
saved, whoever saved him would send him back home so as
to get the reward, and then Miss Watson would sell him
South, sure. Well, he was right; he was most always
right; he had an uncommon level head for a nigger.
I read considerable to Jim about kings and dukes and
earls and such, and how gaudy they dressed, and how much
style they put on, and called each other your majesty,
and your grace, and your lordship, and so on, 'stead of
mister; and Jim's eyes bugged out, and he was interested.
He says:
"I didn' know dey was so many un um. I hain't
hearn 'bout none un um, skasely, but ole King Sollermun,
onless you counts dem kings dat's in a pack er k'yards.
How much do a king git?"
"Get?" I says; "why, they get a
thousand dollars a month if they want it; they can have
just as much as they want; everything belongs to them."
"AIN' dat gay? En what dey got to do, Huck?"
"THEY don't do nothing! Why, how you talk! They
just set around."
"No; is dat so?"
"Of course it is. They just set around — except,
maybe, when there's a war; then they go to the war. But
other times they just lazy around; or go hawking — just
hawking and sp — Sh! — d' you hear a noise?"
We skipped out and looked; but it warn't nothing but
the flutter of a steamboat's wheel away down, coming
around the point; so we come back.
"Yes," says I, "and other times, when
things is dull, they fuss with the parlyment; and if
everybody don't go just so he whacks their heads off. But
mostly they hang round the harem."
"Roun' de which?"
"Harem."
"What's de harem?"
"The place where he keeps his wives. Don't you
know about the harem? Solomon had one; he had about a
million wives."
"Why, yes, dat's so; I — I'd done forgot it. A
harem's a bo'd'n-house, I reck'n. Mos' likely dey has
rackety times in de nussery. En I reck'n de wives
quarrels considable; en dat 'crease de racket. Yit dey
say Sollermun de wises' man dat ever live'. I doan' take
no stock in dat. Bekase why: would a wise man want to
live in de mids' er sich a blim-blammin' all de time? No
— 'deed he wouldn't. A wise man 'ud take en buil' a
biler-factry; en den he could shet DOWN de biler-factry
when he want to res'."
"Well, but he WAS the wisest man, anyway; because
the widow she told me so, her own self."
"I doan k'yer what de widder say, he WARN'T no
wise man nuther. He had some er de dad-fetchedes' ways I
ever see. Does you know 'bout dat chile dat he 'uz gwyne
to chop in two?"
"Yes, the widow told me all about it."
"WELL, den! Warn' dat de beatenes' notion in de
worl'? You jes' take en look at it a minute. Dah's de
stump, dah — dat's one er de women; heah's you — dat's
de yuther one; I's Sollermun; en dish yer dollar bill's
de chile. Bofe un you claims it. What does I do? Does I
shin aroun' mongs' de neighbors en fine out which un you
de bill DO b'long to, en han' it over to de right one,
all safe en soun', de way dat anybody dat had any
gumption would? No; I take en whack de bill in TWO, en
give half un it to you, en de yuther half to de yuther
woman. Dat's de way Sollermun was gwyne to do wid de
chile. Now I want to ast you: what's de use er dat half a
bill? — can't buy noth'n wid it. En what use is a half a
chile? I wouldn' give a dern for a million un um."
"But hang it, Jim, you've clean missed the point
— blame it, you've missed it a thousand mile."
"Who? Me? Go 'long. Doan' talk to me 'bout yo'
pints. I reck'n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain'
no sense in sich doin's as dat. De 'spute warn't 'bout a
half a chile, de 'spute was 'bout a whole chile; en de
man dat think he kin settle a 'spute 'bout a whole chile
wid a half a chile doan' know enough to come in out'n de
rain. Doan' talk to me 'bout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him
by de back."
"But I tell you you don't get the point."
"Blame de point! I reck'n I knows what I knows.
En mine you, de REAL pint is down furder — it's down
deeper. It lays in de way Sollermun was raised. You take
a man dat's got on'y one or two chillen; is dat man gwyne
to be waseful o' chillen? No, he ain't; he can't 'ford it.
HE know how to value 'em. But you take a man dat's got
'bout five million chillen runnin' roun' de house, en
it's diffunt. HE as soon chop a chile in two as a cat.
Dey's plenty mo'. A chile er two, mo' er less, warn't no
consekens to Sollermun, dad fatch him!"
I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his
head once, there warn't no getting it out again. He was
the most down on Solomon of any nigger I ever see. So I
went to talking about other kings, and let Solomon slide.
I told about Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in
France long time ago; and about his little boy the
dolphin, that would a been a king, but they took and shut
him up in jail, and some say he died there.
"Po' little chap."
"But some says he got out and got away, and come
to America."
"Dat's good! But he'll be pooty lonesome — dey
ain' no kings here, is dey, Huck?"
"No."
"Den he cain't git no situation. What he gwyne to
do?"
"Well, I don't know. Some of them gets on the
police, and some of them learns people how to talk French."
"Why, Huck, doan' de French people talk de same
way we does?"
"NO, Jim; you couldn't understand a word they
said — not a single word."
"Well, now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?"
"I don't know; but it's so. I got some of their
jabber out of a book. S'pose a man was to come to you and
say Polly-voo-franzy — what would you think?"
"I wouldn' think nuff'n; I'd take en bust him
over de head — dat is, if he warn't white. I wouldn't
'low no nigger to call me dat."
"Shucks, it ain't calling you anything. It's only
saying, do you know how to talk French?"
"Well, den, why couldn't he SAY it?"
"Why, he IS a-saying it. That's a Frenchman's WAY
of saying it."
"Well, it's a blame ridicklous way, en I doan'
want to hear no mo' 'bout it. Dey ain' no sense in it."
"Looky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?"
"No, a cat don't."
"Well, does a cow?"
"No, a cow don't, nuther."
"Does a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a
cat?"
"No, dey don't."
"It's natural and right for 'em to talk different
from each other, ain't it?"
"Course."
"And ain't it natural and right for a cat and a
cow to talk different from US?"
"Why, mos' sholy it is."
"Well, then, why ain't it natural and right for a
FRENCHMAN to talk different from us? You answer me that."
"Is a cat a man, Huck?"
"No."
"Well, den, dey ain't no sense in a cat talkin'
like a man. Is a cow a man? — er is a cow a cat?"
"No, she ain't either of them."
"Well, den, she ain't got no business to talk
like either one er the yuther of 'em. Is a Frenchman a
man?"
"Yes."
"WELL, den! Dad blame it, why doan' he TALK like
a man? You answer me DAT!"
I see it warn't no use wasting words — you can't
learn a nigger to argue. So I quit.